Arranged Marriage!!

Yes, the very institution that they were so against, now becomes the only resort. They are so bored of staying alone, earning decent money, having everything that money can buy but having nothing to spend on, that they surrender. The worst part is that that they don’t realize that they are desperate. It happens.. it happens when you’ve been single for too long.
This arranged marriage thing takes some time to be executed, partly because the guy is still living in a small tinge of hope, and majorly because.. “ arrey yaar, aajkal acchi ladkiyan kahan milti hai!!”.
So, during this wait, as a medicine to this disease, you do the following.

Get drunk and bask in glory of those days when your (X) girl friend got jealous when you spoke to a firang who came to visit the campus for a few days as a part of exchange.
You still frequent the orkut/ FB profiles of your EXs
You see them green on gtalk, you think for a split second, ‘should I , should I not start the conversation?’
You sit in a coffee shop without company, you order a drink( has to be Black coffee, after love Aaj kal!) and start calling your friends.
You crib too much about work
You realize you haven’t refused a single party invitation in last 6 months (you definitely wanna get noticed, get hooked)
Before a train journey starts, you frantically hope that may someone interesting occupies the seat beside you. Check the chart outside the compartment for the required age and gender.
In a gathering you suddenly come up with the announcement, “I wanna go to the Himalayas, I need to spend some time with myself( or, I should just join a Buddhist camp and become a part time Monk, I need to discover my inner self.)”
Suddenly after reaching your hometown, you feel like a lost puppy coz no one else is single anymore!( you feel the same on FB too!!)
For all such people, who are now certified patients of LOO, i just have one thing to say.. “Akele hai.. to kya gum hai” ( paas mein Rum hai na!!!)
And as is in vogue, keep saying to anyone who asks the reason you are still single.. I HATE LUV STORY’s

Love marriage in India

This has been happening for quite sometime. Wake up in the morning, log on to your facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married, someone getting laid! (Probably mark should add this functionality too!).

And obviously so, this is the marriage season on in india, and I belong to this group or this age, where people do generally get married. So, it is nothing but obvious that my friends are all getting hooked.

Interacting with many of these recently married, or soon to be married couples, gives me one good insight. Get an arranged marriage, and it is just an affair. Dare an affair, and there are lots of things to be arranged. The biggest of them all, convincing parents.

More the differences, more time consuming it is.

1. Different caste?

The most common problem. Everyone, right from the mom and dad, to the door ka uncle, whom you meet only during weddings, and also the kaam wali bai, who needs to know why are you getting married to someone outside your caste. Understandable if you are a parsi, and your community population is dwindling, but not otherwise, they say.

A reddy girl, cannot marry a choudhary guy. Final. Why? Both the families celebrate the same set of festivals, have similar rituals, follow similar traditions, and even look quite similar. So why? You may ask? A No, is a NO! unless you want your limbs cut off, by one of our factionist brothers from Telangana. (Anyways, the nosed man is not very active these days!)

2. Different language?

Again a big obstacle, and a very common one! Come on now, India has about a 1000 languages ( 18 official languages), and liberalization has allowed us to travel across the country. It is obvious that a Tam-Brahm girl would fall in love with a Punju guy ( remember 2 States, by Chetan Bhagat), or a rajasthani girl being pataaofied by a mallu guy! But well, parents on either side would sure be dead against it. Why? Dude, you want your father to be able to atleast communicate to your father in law!

Living in both Chennai, and Delhi, the difference in life style could not get more starker. They could have been two completely different countries all together. Iraq and America would have more similarities, in every walk of life!

How do you convince you parents? Show them the beauty of multi cultural interaction, and tell your punju father how it is very important to be learning to save more money from your Tamilian filter coffee drinking, Hindu paper reading father in law!

3. Different religion?

All hell breaks lose! WHY? Why? And after many more doubts on proper downloads of sanskar, the mother still asks WHY? Why on earth you, a pious Brahmin boy, who does not eat good things like chicken and mutton at home (and hogs the same like a pig in a hotel with beer!) want to get married to a muslim girl? WHY?

In this case, the occasional kashmira shawl sales man also needs to be convinced. After all, a muslim girl is going to come next to buy his shawls.

Remember Veer-Jaara, convince your parents that you are doing all this in for the betterment of the Indian society, and to ensure cross-cultural exposure to your kids! Or maybe, you can just tell them, it is necessary like IIPM has a necessary international exposure!

Beware, they might just slam you back with Sonia Gandhi’s example, and try showing you logic that only if Rajiv Gandhi had married a hindu girl, the country would have been a lot better now! No Italian dope to the dying BJP!( yeah, and who know, No Bofors case for the CBI. No Q)

4. Rich – poor divide?

Now this is a very serious difference. How can a Raja bhoj, let his daughter get married to a gangu telli? Remember Dulhe Raja? But well, the dulha needs to be determined, and push his way through to the riches and the coffins of his soon-to-be father in law. Whatever it takes.

This particularly reminds me of a friend, Raju, who recently had to meet his rich girl’s parents to convince them for their marriage. After the initial pleasantries, the soon-to-be father in law (FIL) guided Raju to the study room to get to know him better.

“So, Raju, What are your plans?” FIL asks Raju

“I’m an software engineer at Acer, working for the last four years.”, raju replied sheepishly knowing very well that his meager salary of 3.3 lakhs per annum was less than FIL’s daily income.

“Well, that’s admirable” FIL replied. “But what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?”

“I will work hard, and God will surely provide for us” Raju explained.

“And how will you buy her a nice engagement ring?”

“I will work hard, and God will provide for us”

“And children?” asked the father. ”How will you support children?”

“Not a worry, sir, God will provide” replied Raju non-chalantly.

The conversation continued for about 10 more minutes in much the same fashion.

After Raju left, his girl asked her father what did he feel of Raju?

“Well, he has no sound job, income and no plans either”, he despairs with the girl looking at him with tension written all across her face.

“But, the good news is that he thinks I’m God”

“You can marry him!”, egoistically.

They are now getting married in June.

This brings me to the next divide, EGO!

5. Ego clashes?

Mohabbatein! If you remember seeing the SRK romantic movie of early 2000’s, you would realize that there is no solid reason for the father Amitabh bacchhan to reject SRK’s candidature. ( This is what marriages have become, one more job opening!). It was just his ego, that he could not let go!

I wonder, why are most of the parents against the overall concept of a love marriage? I know of a friend, who loved a girl from his same caste, and everything. If he would have applied for an arranged marriage, a good possibility that his parents could have selected the same girl! But they were against this alliance? Surprising!

It is more to do with the inherent right that parent seem to be losing than anything else. At the birth of a child itself, the parent takes this ordeal of selecting a bride for their son, as their inate right. Now when you, the son, gets a girl on your own, your are stealing them of this right, and they do not want that.

No parent would accept this, but this seems to be the inherent truth!

Again, here, persistence is the only way guys!

6. Age difference?

Guy elder to girl by any number of years, still okay! Girl elder to guy? Unpardonable. It is an age old custom without any sound logic. In the olden days, it was considered normal for the guy to be atleast 10 years elder to the girl.

In the good olden days, the men fought wars, while the women filled bindis of water from far off places. In this milieu, it was necessary that the guy crosses a certain threshold of age to get married, and parents of girls have always been desperate to get their daughters married off as quickly as possible.

A recent study says, that girls tend to age more quickly than guys, and thus to maintain compatibility and also to ensure that the couple looks good together it was necessary that the girl is younger to her husband. A different study also says that women have an average life expectancy atleast 5 years more then men. By this logic, to avoid the woman from spending more years as a widow, she should be allowed to marry grooms five years younger to her, to ensure death at the same time.

Ultimately, whatever your parents give as a reason for this, there is no way in which you can overcome this. The girl, if elder to you, is always going to remain so, and the only way to overcome this is to die hard convince your parents.

I personally think, this norm that guys should be elder to their wives, stem from the inherent need of every male to be dominating, and ensuring younger wife gave them a free license to do this!

And if this was not enough, Let me remind you that God’s wife is elder to him! (er! Sachin Tendulkar)

7. Boy – Boy?

This is something that is very much in fashion of late, and the Indian constitution has recently also legalized it. Now this is one case, where the issue stems due to the lack of a difference, unlike the remaining reason where the issue is due the reasons. Now the basic reason for this issue, is lack of awareness and an inherent tendency against change that each of us have it within. You father would say, “You marrying a boy? Which boy gets married to a boy? I have not seen anyone being happy after doing this!”

Probably, our generation, after seeing many a happy gay couples would allow our children to pursue the sexuality and the orientation of their choice!

Whatever be the reason guys ( and girls!), if the voice within you shouts that yes, “She is the one! She is the one!” No reason or difference( or maybe the lack of it) should stop you from relentlessly pursuing it. Nothing on earth can come between us should be the motto, and watch titanic to gather inspiration.

Okay! Need more inspiration? Watch any hindi movie, and this would be the theme plot. Want more realistic inspiration? Watch a telugu movie, sans the fights!

This post is dedicated to Srinivas Jarkula, who is getting married this Sunday in the district capital of KHAMMAM! (Well, it is some obscure place in Andhra!) Wish you guys a very very happy married life!

lissten.. sunoooooo

Guys, rather kids, as young as in 6th standard have a facebook account, a twiter handle and a girlfriend!

Teens, in 9th standard have it clear about their relationships!

Adolescents in first year college are drinking, smoking and do everything that I started doing only when I was nearing the end of college!

Young adults, freshly out of college, have a great sense of clarity of what they like, and what they dislike in their relationships!

This post forms its genesis in one such conversation. What does a guy wish in his girl?

Unlike girls, we are a very simple species, with a very elementary operating system fixed in our brains. Not complicated at all. Some simple wishes here and there is all that we crave for.

Listen up ladies: We know you’re keeping secrets from us. And even though you think you’ve got men all figured out, we’re hiding a few things ourselves. There are a little more than a few things, which we would want you to know.

Don’t invade our privacy – My cellphone, gmail account and facebook account is something mine. I would not want you to peep into it at the first given moment.
Please tell us how you would like us to please you, and trust me, we would not feel dumb! We would try to do everything possible within the limits of time, finances, influence and feasibility.
We like you to be a little jealous! A little is the word here. Overtly possessive is not necessary. we need definitions! Jealousy is an ugly thing which only gets worse.
you are allowed to be late, we are not!! Why??If you are late it is because you wanted to look great, and if we are late we just don’t care is what you believe. Ever heard of a thing called traffic??
Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it, means that he really likes you
Calling us cute – okay! Puppies are cute, and so are small little teddy bears. That is the last thing a man would want to be called, and the small man all the more hates it. Now you know we we hate our aunts so much!
Licking our ears – My girlfriend is going to hate me for this. But seriously, Ears aren’t cleaned out as often as they should be. Licking them might feel good for a few seconds, but then your tongue just tastes like earwax.
Emoticons – seriously. We would just prefer to get a call, and hear you kiss and say I love you, rather than looking at funny pictures in yellow!
These are just some random things that people have been telling me for ages, and I have just done the chore of pinning them down.

To all the ladies, these are not my thoughts alone but those that are spoken by a majority of men. I am a firm believer of unconditional love!! No strings attached!

And all you beautiful women out there, you don’t really need to pay heed to any of these. These are for those other guys, who would want these qualities. For me, I would just fall for you if I hear you listening to the latest daler mehandi song – “listen, suno mere bhai..”

Money is important, but how much do you need?

How much money it costs is not the issue, but how much the money costs us is crucial

Once you get basic human needs met, a lot more money doesn’t make a lot more happiness money is not everything, but money is something very important. Beyond the basic needs, money helps us achieve our life’s goals and supports — the things we care about most deeply – family, education, health care, charity, adventure and fun. It helps us get some of life’s intangibles – freedom or independence, the opportunity to make the most of our skills and talents, the ability to choose our own course in life, financial security. With mone y, much good can be done and much unnecessary suffering avoided or eliminated.

But, money has its own limitations too. It can give us the time to appreciate the simple things in life more fully, but not the spirit of innocence and wonder necessary to do so. Money can give us the time to develop our gifts and talents, but not the courage and discipline to do so.

Money can give us the power to make a difference in the lives of others, but not the desire to do so. It can give us the time to develop and nurture our relationships, but not the love and caring necessary to do so. It can just as easily make us jaded, escapist, selfish, and lonely. How much do you need? What is it going to cost you to get it? It is keeping these two questions in mind that gives us a true sense of money’s relationship to happiness. If we have less than what we need, or if what we have is costing us too much, we can never be happy. We need money to eat, sleep, dress, work, play, relate, heal, move about, and enjoy comforts. We should remember in choosing our style that it comes with a price tag.

Evidence of the psychological and spiritual poverty of the rich and famous fills our newspapers, magazines, tabloids, and television programmes and hardly needs repeating here. “We always think if we just had a little bit more money, we’d be happier,” says Catherine Sanderson, a psychology professor at Amherst College, “but when we get there, we’re not.” “Once you get basic human needs met, a lot more money doesn’t make a lot more happiness,” notes Dan Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard University and the author of the new book Stumbling on Happiness.

Yes, we get a thrill at first from expensive things. But we soon get used to them, a state of running in place that economists call the ‘hedonic treadmill’. The problem is not money, it’s us. For deep-seated psychological reasons, when it comes to spending money, we tend to value goods over experiences.

Money can help us find more happiness, so long as we know just what we can and cannot expect from it. Many researches suggest that seeking the good life at a store is an expensive exercise in futility. Money can buy us some happiness, but only if we spend our money properly. We should buy memories.

How much money it costs is not the issue, but how much the money costs us is important. Money should not cost us our soul, relationships, dignity, health, intelligence and joy in simple things of life. People who figure out what they truly value and then align their money with those values have the strongest sense of financial and personal well-being.

Coming Back to Life!!!!!!!!

In the silence of the night,
In the faint orange light,
When the winds decide to stay quiet,
Waiting for out hearts to unite.

As I lay drowned in your scent,
How I explain what it meant,
To hold you so close to the heart,
Wishing the moment would never depart.

Without a warning,without a clue,
As if planned by someone who knew.
Every moment the intimacy grew,
Unknown to me the passion brew.

I felt the eyelids drop,I felt the heartbeat stop,
I felt your warm breath,soothing the pain beneath,
I felt it happen,felt my lips dampen,
One peck, then the other,without a thought to bother.

A moment for all those years,
A moment for all those fears,
A moment for those burning fires,
A moment for the heart's desires.

Its the same night,
Its the same light,
But there's something amiss,
The feeling of perfect bliss...
Your company and the kiss.

Is conventional education a waste of time?

Education in its truest sense really has no borders and is a lifelong process. It is a continuous learning process wherein it teaches you various folds of life. I personally feel the schooling process should be changed in such a way that it opens the doors to constant learning, independent thinking and create socially responsible and empowered citizens. The more commonly found view of education, widely held in India, has typically included functional literacy, sciences and a curriculum that has remained mostly traditional for many years. There is a major difference in the education system of US over India. In US the scope of learning as such is very promising and a student has lot of diversity to learn his area of interest as compared to India. Over here, in schools and colleges teachers teach, whatever is printed in the book and ones that is finished they assume their job is done but i feel it is the exact opposite which happens in west. In west students are being taught various ways of solving problems, they take sessions for lateral thinking, team outing and they also teach communication and analytical skills which is very important in today's world. In India parents also need to change their mindset and should understand the area of interest of their child and then groom him/her in that particular field. And one most important attribute of education is to respect money and to invest it properly when they grow up. But in our schooling no one teaches us and we too don't care to learn at that point of time. But in west especially in US and UK students are being taught how to invest your money, how to make use of your money so that it doubles the amount and that's the reason you see more numbers of entrepreneurs and business man. I strongly feel people have considered education as granted; they feel it's about getting few degrees as a qualification. Rather then this, students should take their field of interest and should contribute to the nation and to the society as a whole. Today’s education is not producing empowered individuals who can participate in a democracy. Worse, it does not even assure most students with the means of livelihood. This is one of the reasons why we need to look beyond the borders of conventional education.

Economic imbalance is better than Nuclear imbalance

No country’s administrator in today’s world can sit and watch, their economic balance declining or their people dying out of scarcity, however Asian countries especially India, where 60-70% of the people are from the rural background are still unskilled and unemployed which is directly or indirectly hampering the economic growth of the country and the government is still trying but it’s more or less same for the last 50 years, people in rural areas strive to earn their daily wage for their livelihood and are satisfied and happy with what they have; but if their is a nuclear instability in the country then the entire internal security of the country will be under threat which will lead to mass destruction. Country especially India which is very much susceptible to terror attacks must defend themselves with adequate arms, weapons and nuclear energies. India as a developing country is facing a lot of issues with internal and external security for the people and for the nation as a whole. And the cause is, India being surrounded by tougher neighbors like Pakistan, Bangladesh, Srilanka where terrorist group like al qaeda’s, SIMI, LeT, LTTE etc are established to spread terror activity (terrorism) against India and also by gulf countries who are targeting India as we have a good relationship with Israel. I understand for some countries like Australia and Japan, where nuclear stability is not of much importance as they are more focused on their economic stability though they have in abundance of Uranium which is very much needed for energy generation but mind you their fences are much safer from external attacks and threats. Hence, for few countries economic growth is much of importance then the nuclear growth but country like India which is very much venerable to threats and terror attacks need to prioritize his security and for this to happen the government should implement new means and strategies for the safeguard and the defense of the country. India should work on to be a part of NATO in which all Euro Atlantic and Asian countries should be dedicated for maintaining democratic freedom by means of collecting defense and further India should request NSA to declare him as a nuclear state which will be a national pride for any country and if this happens then India will be in a state which is fully equipped to face any kind of challenge and catastrophe. Thus I feel nuclear balance is much of importance as of now for many countries specially India.